So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You were trust falling into bushes
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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