if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
