I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
