I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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