RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
