I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Randomize
