I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
