It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
