Betty ford says i'm here all night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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