Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
