I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i wish my penis had a tongue
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
