I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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