I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Randomize
