is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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