im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
