apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
