Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize