eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
