There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
