I'm going to jail i love you
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
