you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
