i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
