ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i think i have herpe
just one?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
