Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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