either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
