Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
