McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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