How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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