I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
