Only a mothe r could love this liver
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
