careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize