I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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