..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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