i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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