Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
