I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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