I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
