Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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