Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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