beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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