I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
