That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
