So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
