Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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