so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize
