fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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