Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
