Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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