I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I am one with the molecules
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
