Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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