you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
