i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
