Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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