Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
