I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
