he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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