At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
