booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
