you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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