Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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