When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
