You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
