so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
