if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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